Got a hate on for your body?
Perfectionism pops up in our lives in so many places. A particularly damaging place is in our perceptions of our bodies. Body dissatisfaction is a strong risk factor for disordered eating, especially when perfectionism is present. And, a perfectionist’s unreasonable and unattainable standards lead to feelings of personal failure, stress, and anxiety.
You’ve heard it all before: Our culture values beauty, and we are bombarded from a young age with images of our cultural standards. In the distant past, we saw a limited number of people to compare ourselves with – mostly whomever resided near us. In present day, we have access at our fingertips to infinite images– people of every shape, colour, size, culture, etc. Many images we see are of a curated group of people, who have been filtered, photoshopped, touched-up, plasticized, and literally sculpted to our culture’s ideal.
And on the other hand, we have the body positivity movement. It has honourable roots: acceptance of our bodies regardless of weight or size. However, it sets an unrealistic expectation. After years of having poor body image, it tells us: love your body. So we now have a new thing for our inner critic to harp on – why can’t you just love your body and accept your flaws?
As I write this, Instagram has 15.3 million posts to #bodypositive, half of which are images of young women who meet the ideal standard of beauty. Feminist scholar Amber E. Kinser* points out that posting pictures of your body does not help break the association of women’s worth being related to their physical appearance. A confusing message for women to be sure.
What does a woman do???
Here are 5 evidence-based things we can do to decrease our focus on our bodies.
Support your self-worth
Spend time and energy on developing aspects of yourself which bring you a sense of pride. For example, I like to think of myself as a loving mother, so I spend time every day behaving as a loving mother. I feel proud of being fit, so I walk and do yoga every day. You get the idea. I’ve had to problem solve over the years to maintain the actions that bring me a feeling of pride, and they’ve waxed and waned, but they’ve guided me in my decisions about how to spend my time and energy.
2. Ditch the social media
Try a little experiment. Rate how you feel about your body in this moment on a scale of 1-10, 10 being the best you’ve ever felt about your body. Now, spend 10 minutes every day for one week looking at pictures online of your fav celeb, influencer, fashion or fitness blogger. Research has demonstrated that exposure to social media increases body shame, increases pressure to lose weight, and increases the desire to look more attractive. Actually, please don’t do this experiment. (Reality check - We spend hours, not minutes, on social media every day doing this to ourselves). My personal IG feed is filled with baby animals (omg baby elephants are my new crush) and feel good quotes.
3. Build an external world that does not fuel your anxiety
You know those friends who you can just be yourself around? They don’t judge you, they don’t criticize you, and you don’t get that terrible feeling of, “ugh, I gotta step up my game” when you are around them? Spend time with them. Take a look around your house – do you have jeans that don’t fit? Get rid of them. Ask your partner to not comment on your body if it makes you feel uncomfortable. Learn to recognize when your body image takes a hit, and organize your world to not encounter that trigger as often.
4. Build an inner world that supports you
Research suggests that self-compassion is effective in reducing disordered eating and improving body satisfaction especially when perfectionism is present. Self-compassion involves self-kindness (as opposed to self-judgement), a common humanity (versus isolation) and mindfulness (as opposed to over-identification with thoughts). People with perfectionism struggle with self-kindness. “Struggle” as in my clients will outright reject it when I mention it. A helpful exercise is to find a picture of yourself as a preteen – before you realized you cared what people thought of you. Imagine saying the things you say about your body to her. Now, tell her what she needs to hear entering adolescence, and start saying those things to yourself.
5. Value others for their non-appearance related qualities
There are so many facets of an individual – personality, skills, abilities, hobbies, talents, accomplishments, character, etc. Start by viewing others in a multi-dimensional way, and that appreciation often trickles back to yourself.
You don’t have to live with the abusive inner dialogue of a perfectionist. High standards can be productive, healthy, and good for your self-worth; unreasonable standards are maladaptive and can be changed. You can do it! If you’re looking for help with this, contact me today.
*Kinser, Amber E. 2004. Negotiating spaces for/through third-wave feminism. NWSA journal 16(3): pp. 124-153.
Kira
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