You’ve been “not thinking” wrong this whole time!

When I ask my clients how they have handled upsetting or unwanted thoughts in the past, I often hear clients state quite proudly, “I try really hard to not think about it.” In psychological terminology, what I hear the client saying is, “I try to suppress my thoughts.”

How are Your Thought Suppression Skills?

Want to test your thought suppression skill? Here’s an easy 2 second test:

Don’t think of a pink elephant.

Aaaand 100% of you failed. Why do I know this? Because you are human. To suppress a thought, our brains first need to recall the information that you are trying to suppress. What am I not supposed to think about? Oh, there it is…got it, now I’ll suppress it. It’s just how the human brain works.

Let’s use a thought you are trying to currently avoid. Got one in mind? Okay, now that you’ve recalled it, try to not think about it. People often use positive affirmations, think about something else, distract themselves with their phone, food, Netflix, etc. What did you use to suppress the thought? (This time, to be honest, I actually started singing, “lalalalalalalalalala” in my head).

Two things just happened in your mind while you were trying to suppress the thought. First, your brain attempted to set up the state of mind you were looking for – pleasant, calm, happy. This process is effortful. Second, your brain, doing exactly what you asked it to do, it began to monitor your thoughts for the presence of the suppressed thought. Just like your eyes search for the mole to pop up in whack-a-mole, your brain has to search for the thought to whack it back down again.

The first process – the “be happy” attempt – uses energy and effort. Our brain can only sustain this process for so long. The second process – the scanning for the suppressed thought – also uses energy, but more importantly, has had the effect of sensitizing your brain to the thought. So, guess what we just did? By attempting to suppress the thought, we inadvertently increased the accessibility of the thought, making it more likely that that unwanted, distressing thought will pop up again, and again.

These processes show up in our behaviour, too. How many times have you decided to not indulge in the late evening munchies, and end up eating anyway?

So, I just try harder, right?

There is loads of research demonstrating these processes with thoughts and behaviours. One particular study demonstrated it with smokers. They were divided into three groups – “think about smoking” group, “don’t change anything” group, and “try not to think about smoking” group. Guess which group increased their smoking over the following week? You got it – the group that tried to suppress their thoughts about smoking.

So, what have we learned?

A)    Suppressing thoughts increases the accessibility and frequency of them.

B)    Suppressing thoughts increases the very behaviour we are trying to stop.

What we also know about the brain is that sustained attention (focus, come on focus!) and inhibition of thought (don’t think about it) and behaviour (don’t do it!)  are really energy-expensive processes. Similar to the fatigue at the end of a set of bicep curls, your brain says, okay, I’m out of fuel, I’m done. So, if you have spent the day trying to maintain a false happy, calm state, and then ask your brain to not think about your favourite treat at 9 o’clock at night, or an upsetting thought, it’s not able to comply. It is exhausted.

I’m Pavlov’s dog!

It gets worse. Now we have paired the thoughts with our distraction techniques or, in the case of evening munchies, with the couch and 9 o’clock. The distraction techniques, the couch, and time of day begin to become cues for your brain – remember that thought you wanted me to suppress? Thinking about it…munchies, mmmm, treats, okay, I’m ready to try to suppress again! You’re welcome! There’s also some Pavlovian conditioning going on here too – couch, ding! Time to snack!

Sorry, one more piece of bad news. If the thought is emotionally loaded, it’s even harder. Pink elephant – no emotions really attached to that thought. “I hate how I look.” “I’m a failure.” “I can never get it right.” Now we are asking the brain to control thoughts and regulate the emotions that arise from these thoughts. That’s simply too much to ask.

So what can we do with this human brain? It’s actually amazingly simple:

Think the thought.

Allow the thought.

Notice the thought.

Whatever word you want to use – just let the thought come. It’s just a thought, after all.* If we can simply notice the thought arose, we can also let it go.

What? I have to be joking, right? Nope, this approach is one of the essential ingredients in the beneficial nature of mindfulness, and is an effective skill used in Dialectical Behavioural Therapy and in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.

Once you’ve allowed the thought, try saying, “I notice my mind is thinking the thought xyz.” For example, “I notice my mind is thinking the thought that I want a treat,” or “I notice my mind is thinking the thought that I’m not measuring up.”

Another option is to place the thought in a mental “container.” I categorize my thoughts and drop them in these containers. I imagine the blue recycling bins with labels like “body,” “work,” “parenting.” “Oh, that’s a thought about my body (drop!),” “Oh, there’s a thought about work (drop!).”

These two processes (noticing the thought and categorization) help create psychological distance from the thought, so we can begin to view thoughts as simply - thoughts.

Look for my future blog posts on mindfulness and changing your relationship to your thoughts. **Update: In Getting Unstuck, I look at how to get unstuck from your stickiest thoughts.

*If you find that the thoughts are causing you a lot of distress, you may need a therapist to guide you.  

Kira

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