Why feel when you can eat (or not)?
Humans move toward what feels good, and away from what feels bad. Kinda goes without saying, right? This keeps us away from situations that are threatening or dangerous, and takes us toward situations that help us survive.
Yet, this behaviour can also become problematic. Humans also avoid uncomfortable thoughts, feelings, memories, and body sensations. But wait - at face value, this seems fine, right? Why bother dwelling in the negative or uncomfortable?
Vanessa is aiming for grad school and the grades that are required for it. She feels overwhelmed by life’s expectations, and has set rigid rules for her food intake and exercise. Achieving these goals gives her a sense of victory and control each time she restricts food.
Jennifer has a high stress, busy job. Eating sugary foods between meetings has become a habit that eases her nerves just enough to get through the day. Her doctor has suggested that her hyperglycemia is related to her high sugar intake.
Ishani reaches for food - too much of it - when the anxiety builds. She eats until the food is gone or her stomach feels horribly full. Then the guilt sets in, and Ishani reprimands herself for gaining more weight.
Can you see how Vanessa, Jennifer, and Ishani are using eating behaviours to avoid or cope with uncomfortable feelings – overwhelm, nervousness, tension, and anxiousness? Vanessa restricts to avoid feeling out of control, Jennifer uses sugar to cope with tension, and Ishani overeats to numb the feelings of anxiety.
What’s going on here? Why do Vanessa, Jennifer, and Ishani using food to cope with emotion, and others don’t? Let’s think of this behaviour of avoiding thoughts, feelings, etc. on a continuum from low to high. Do you know those people who manage difficult thoughts and emotions like water on a duck’s back? Yeah, they are probably on the low end of the continuum. No need to avoid distress when it just rolls off!
Other people (likely you if you’ve landed on this page!) are on the higher end of the continuum. Ugh, thoughts and feelings are laborious to deal with – you know, like trying to remove peanut butter from your favourite sweater after your hands have been dipped in honey. And there are reasons for this - you may have more difficulty tolerating distress/discomfort than others, or you may experience stronger reactions than most, or you pay attention to your thoughts and feelings more than others. All good reasons to want to avoid the discomfort of experiencing them.
Eating to Avoid…
Know what is really helpful in avoidance? Eating. Ah, food. What a powerful distraction. There’s nothing like a box of cookies, a big bowl of cereal, a block of cheese or, whatever - even last night’s leftovers will do - when anxiety shows up to battle. And a such powerful reward for our brains – it loves that dopamine and opioid boost. Overeating as a coping strategy has been linked to efforts to regulate feelings of depression, low self-worth, body dissatisfaction, and negative emotion arising from traumatic events.
And Not Eating to Avoid…
Food restriction is a complex topic, yet we do know avoidance of emotion is present. People restrict food to avoid negative thoughts and feelings about their body shape/size/weight, and to avoid the feeling of lack of control. Often, it feels like an accomplishment - your life may feel like chaos, but you starved yourself the entire day - success! In people with eating disorders, obsessive thinking about food, eating, weight, body shape, exercise, and purging may function as a way to distract themselves from distressing emotions.
Think about your relationship to food. How often do these statements hold true for you?
•I eat when fear and anxiety show up.
•I avoid or leave situations where there is food that I don’t want to eat.
•When I have negative feelings about my body, I skip meals or restrict food.
•I will not eat all day to avoid feeling bad about myself or my body.
•I will eat so as to not feel emotions
•I feel proud of myself when I restrict food.
•I go out of my way to avoid showing my body.
•I will put off buying clothes for as long as possible due to body shape concerns.
•My feelings about my body stop me from doing important things.
•I won’t have a picture taken of myself unless I absolutely have to.
When is Avoidance a Problem?
Clearly, an eating disorder is a problem, whether it functions as avoidance of emotion or not. However, some people overwhelmed by their emotions sit just below clinical levels of eating disorders, and suffer with the guilt, the shame, and the feelings of insecurity about their bodies. So, does it matter that Vanessa has rigid rules for eating and exercise? Or that Jennifer consumes a tub of ice cream every night? What about Ishani’s overeating episodes?
Vanessa needs the energy throughout the day to focus on school work and to get good grades, but the deficit in calories is zapping her energy.
Jennifer has a family history of serious heart problems. Having diabetes would be an extra risk factor that she doesn’t want. And she wants to see her future grandkids!
Each time Ishani binges, she feels horrible shame and guilt. She’s noticed she’s starting to telling herself that she’s worthless and a failure. These thoughts are showing up in other areas of her life, too.
Using food to avoid emotions becomes a problem when it gets in the way of what matters to you.
Vanessa is jeopardizing achieving her goal of graduate school; Jennifer is risking her physical health and her chances of living a long, healthy life; Ishani’s bingeing is negatively affecting her overall self-worth. Their behaviours in regards to food function to avoid their distressing inner experiences, and it’s ultimately pulling them away from specific things that they value. This is when you know your avoidance is not working for you.
Learning to undo this avoidance is difficult, but can be done. And thoughts and feelings aren’t nearly as scary and distressing when you have many ways to manage them and a clear understanding of what matters to you the most.
Want to read more about managing your distress in a healthy way? Head over to my post How to Comfort a Beast. For more thoughts about body image, take a look at my post Got a hate on for your body?
Kira
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